


Your Blood is My Blood

by thisaccountisdone



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Angst, F/M, Half-Sibling Incest, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-05
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 16:37:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisaccountisdone/pseuds/thisaccountisdone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer examines her feelings for Jason. AKA I'm horrible at summaries, sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Blood is My Blood

Sometimes Spencer thinks it would be easy if everything was linear and not tangled up in some twisted web. It would be so easy to just stop the world from spinning beneath her feet. It shouldn't hurt so much but it does. Trying to fit together the pieces is what's really got her.  
  
There's a constant push and pull between her heart and mind. The perfectionist inside her is saying it's wrong but she feels him inside of her veins. He's there in her bloodstream. She feels him pounding through her heart when she's half asleep, waiting for dreams to take her away.  
  
It didn't start at any one time; they were just support for one another. It was easy because talking to him was like talking to herself. And suddenly, she ached when he wasn't near. By the look in his eyes, he did, too.  
  
They didn't talk about it but it was hidden behind words. The truth was there in the comfortable silence as she sat by him on the steps of his porch. The sunlight glinted off his hair and lit him up with a halo of golden light. It took every ounce of willpower not to reach out and trace his face until she figured out how he was tangible. She wanted to lace their fingers together and forget the rest of the world. If only she could make time stand still...   
  
It was useless to feel ashamed for what she felt. At first, it was overwhelming and she was weighed down every second of the day. What would they think? Few people knew they were actually related but it didn’t matter; her knowing was enough.   
  
She tried to separate herself from him but they shared blood. She couldn’t scrub him out no matter how hard she tried. So, she stopped trying and let the world spin madly on. She could imagine some quip Allison would make about how the gods frowned upon it and she always knew Spencer was the twisted one but Allison was gone.  
  
Things had become so fucked in the last two years. Maybe it had started when she became friends with Allison... But maybe things were playing out the way they had been written in the sands of time. Maybe she and Jason were destined for that tragic love that the Greeks so loved to play out.   
  
So they sat on the porch and didn’t speak. They stared at the sky and let time pass. They watched clouds gather and part, like some kind of dance. They let the wind drift through them until they felt clean and pure for a single moment.   
  
Words were hard to come by nowadays. They gave up speaking for weighted looks that said more than any word ever could. They gave up smiles for a tense quirk of the lips that whispered, “We can’t let go.”   
  
It was hard to pass him in the halls and not stop and just stare. He was so ethereal; always surrounded by light. She spent hours trying to pick him apart and fit him into boxes but she’d end up back where she began. Trying to understand him was futile, honestly.   
“Do you ever think,” Spencer began, picking and choosing her words carefully, “that one day we could just leave?” At the end of her sentence, the word “together” lingered. She didn’t have to say it for him to hear it; they both knew it was there.  
  
There was a moment of silence as Jason sighed and looked into the distance. The wind chased through his hair and Spencer fought back the urge to run her fingers through it. “I don’t think we’ll ever be free of Rosewood, Spencer,” Jason finally replied. He turned to look at her with eyes heavy with sorrow. Her heart skipped a beat in her chest.  
  
“I just keep thinking that we could run away and,” she stopped to take a deep, shuddering breath, “no one would know us.” No one would know about Allison or Mona or that we’re siblings. Her eyes were wide and glistening, in part with tears.  
  
Jason leaned his head back and let out a deep sigh. He silently took Spencer’s hand and laced their fingers together. Her heart stopped for a moment. If it was at any other moment, she’d be happy but she knew what this meant. They had the same thought process. It was a sorry and an I can’t. It was you need to forget and I’d give anything.  
  
“You know we’d never be able to,” Jason said slowly. Spencer swallowed hard and squeezed his hand tightly. Her world was crashing from fragile glass to dust. She tried to ignore the pain but it rattled inside of her like rusty gears.   
  
“I don’t know how things ended up like this. Everything’s so fucked up and it’s so hard. I just want to-” She cut herself off. Jason didn’t move; didn’t look at her. She could hear the quiet intakes of breath as he tried to keep himself steady. He wanted to reach out and hold her but he couldn’t. He couldn’t comfort her because they both knew the truth.   
  
“You can’t,” Jason whispered. He turned to her, tears in the creases of his eyes. “You can’t.” Nothing can happen to you because I couldn’t stand it. I can’t live without you. It hurts but you need to be here because I need to know you’re alive and well even if we aren’t together. I need you to be okay.   
  
She knew those two words meant just as she knew what her cut off sentence meant. It would be so easy to make it all stop. But she also knew that as long as he was alive, she would be, too. They were tied together by some invisible thread. No matter how hard they pulled, it would just stretch.   
  
Sure, it would hurt if they were worn thin and frayed at the edges but pain was nothing anymore; it was routine. They wouldn’t be together but they would still be one person. It really was a Greek tragedy. She could just imagine them acting it out; stolen kisses and the inevitable death by heart ache. Of course, it was Greece so there would be more blood.  
  
There was no using speaking now. All their energy had been used up on pipe dreams. They were both ravelled up in the same thoughts so they sat and stared at the sky until the sun fell. As much as Spencer didn’t want to leave- never wanted to leave- she had to. They couldn’t sit there staring at nothing forever.   
  
Spencer rose numbly and their hands fell apart. It felt like something had been ripped from her then. She wanted to double over with pain at how irrevocably empty she was but she wouldn’t let herself- not now. She didn’t turn to say goodbye, just walked away with his eyes on her back, watching every step.  
  
Her feet moved forward mechanically. When she got into her house, she went straight to her room as if in a daze. It was only when she closed the door did she allow herself to shatter. She slid to the floor, head banging back against the door. If she wasn’t so controlled, she would scream and break things.   
  
Instead, she let the tears roll unimpeded down her face. They were silent at first but soon it turned into body wracking sobs. It felt like her body was tearing itself apart over and over again. Her throat was raw and aching but she couldn’t stop. It was as if the one thing thing that had been holding her together was gone.  
  
If things weren’t so tangled up, it would be easy. God, would it be easy. But she was in Rosewood and things were never simple and as much as they loved each other, they would never be together. It wasn’t worth it to even try; A would never let that slip by. No, there was no sense in making things worse.  
  
It was easier to cut each other loose now and hope that one day the pain would fade. (But she was certain it never would. After all, they were in each others’ veins.)


End file.
